We received a question a few days ago after a sister read one of our Biblical Womanhood Articles. Today, this blog post seeks to answer that question by examining the uncompromising lens of raising children according to the Bible. I pray that this post provides the deep wisdom needed to transform your home and children in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

QUESTION

This quote from the article got me: ‘The reason why it seems that the devil is winning over the hearts of many children today is because the mothers(/parents) have not done what they should do in training up the child in the way they should go.’

What happens to homes that actually trained their children but they’re not turning well. Should we conclude and say any child not turning well was not raised well? I think that would be an insult to years of sacrifice of these families.

 

RESPONSE

Thank you for asking this question, sis.

 

Now, it sounded so emotional. 

 

See, my sister, we Christians need to quit the pity party and stop acting as though Satan is all-powerful to destroy what is in God’s Hands or God is actually so powerless that He is not able to preserve lives committed into His Hands.

 

We need to stop acting as though we are at the mercy of Satan and God. And that as they play the ‘game’, so will the result be. No, we need to stop that. 

 

We have spent too long weeping over the “hard reality” of things going on in Christian homes while refusing to face the truth that stares us in the face.

 

When He is Old, He will Not Depart! 

Proverbs 22:6 says: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it”

 

This is not a mere suggestion but a spiritual law. 

 

If we train a child in the way they should go, they will not depart! 

 

Any path you see a child walking in today was the path the parents placed him or her on by commission or by omission!

 

Oh yes!

 

That is what this verse is talking about!

 

If you are looking at your child today and wondering why they are walking in the path of vanity, the path of worldliness, or the path of rebellion, don’t blame the Devil. You just look at the map you handed them!

 

Every step they take or didn’t take is a step you paved!

 

You are the architect of the road they are currently walking on!

 

If you paved that road with the “pride of life”; if you taught them that success is measured by money, that worth is measured by status, and that God is someone you visit only when you are in trouble; do not be surprised when they walk straight into the arms of the world!

 

Honestly speaking, they are not deviating from the way you taught them; they are fulfilling the training you gave them!

 

We have to stop acting as if our children are autonomous creatures who simply “fell” into the ways of the world.

 

They are sponges! They soak up our priorities!

 

When you are constantly chasing your own “higher ground,” when you are constantly sacrificing their hearts on the altar of your career, when you are constantly modeling a faith that is cold, lifeless, and hypocritical; you are teaching them that this is the way they should go. And just as the Scripture promised, when they are old, they will not depart from it!

 

This is the terrifying beauty of Proverbs 22:6.

 

It is terrifying because it places the weight of eternity squarely on our shoulders.

 

But it is beautiful because it gives us the power to change the outcome!

 

If you are the one who placed them on the path, then you are the one, by the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit, who can pull them off the path of destruction and place them back on the narrow road!

 

Stop complaining about the direction they are headed and start looking at your own compass.

 

If you want them to love God, show them God.

If you want them to value the things of eternity, stop chasing the things that perish.

If you want them to walk in righteousness, stop living a life of compromise.

 

We are the sowers. We are the architects. We are the ones who determine the trajectory. So let us stop this Godlessness of “hoping” they turn out well. Let us start training them until they are locked into the way of the Lord.

 

Train them!

 

Train them at the table.

 

Train them in the car.

 

Train them in your private prayer life.

 

Train them by how you treat your spouse.

 

Train them until the path of God is the only path they know, so that when they are old, they wouldn’t even know how to depart from it, because you have made the Truth their very nature.

 

This is not a suggestion, Sis. This is the law of the Kingdom. Let us fulfill it!

 

N.B: So, this is the short answer. If you are not given to long essays, you can stop here. I believe this short answer, which is the simple, unwavering Law of the Kingdom, should be enough for your heart. You have your roadmap. You have the truth. You can go home, get on your knees, and start training.

 

But if you are ready to do the real work; if you are ready to stop just treating the symptoms and start performing the surgery on our own parenting failures; then we need to go deeper. We need to stop the bleeding!

 

Digging deeper: Facing the Truth!

It is time to face the truth and stop calling it an “insult”. 

 

Calling this an “insult” is just a defense mechanism for our own egos. We don’t want to admit that we might have missed the mark. But we have to open our eyes. 

 

The tragedy is not just that children are being lost; the tragedy is that we are actively facilitating that loss while convinced we are “sacrificing” for their future.

 

We are blaming Satan for everything. “The devil is winning,” we say. But Satan is having the time of his life because we are busy blaming him for our own negligence. As long as we blame the devil, he has won. 

 

When are our eyes going to open? 

 

So, would you say it was God who failed? 

 

Or would you say that Satan was able to overpower you even though you did exactly what God said you should do? 

 

No way!

 

If you don’t give the devil room, he cannot snatch your child away!

 

It’s time to stop the “spiritual acting.” It’s time to stop the hypocrisy. It’s time to stop chasing the things that perish: the pride of life, the lust of the flesh, and the ladder of success and start seeing the eternal value of the soul God placed in your hands as children.

 

We are not here to win the world; we are here to win our homes for heaven! 

 

Let God be True and every man a liar!

Romans 3:4 says ‘…let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged.’

 

Oh yes, let all men be found liars, no matter who they are. No matter their titles, their positions, their years of ministry, or their levels of anointing. We have spent so much time pointing fingers, saying, “Oh, look at that famous pastor, look at that popular leader; even their children are wayward, so I guess it’s just the times we live in.”

 

Stop it! 

 

Stop pointing at them as an excuse for your own house. If they are failing, they are liars in that regard. If their home is not a reflection of God’s order, their reputation does not change the Truth of the Scripture. Their failure is not your standard. Do not use the ruins of someone else’s home to make yourself feel better about the cracks in your own foundation. Let the standard be the Word of God, not the failing lives of men.

 

Let the psychologists be found liars.

 

Let the secular “parenting experts” who ignore the fear of the Lord be found liars.

 

Let the modern culture that tells you the molding years don’t matter be found a liar. 

 

Let your own past experiences, your tears, your self-pity, and even your own “best efforts” be proven a liar. 

 

When you stack everything in this world; every philosophy, every excuse, every worldly method; against the Word of the Lord, let the Word be the only thing left standing!

 

We act as though God is watching a match between Satan and us, just waiting to see if we’ll score. That is a game of chance, and God is not a gambler! 

 

God is a Creator, and He gave us a Manual.

 

If you follow the manual of the world, you get the results of the world.

 

If you follow the manual of your own feelings, you get the results of your own confusion!

 

But if you follow the Word, God is bound by His own integrity to make it work. He has to be justified in His sayings. He must overcome when He is judged by the state of your parenting if you had followed His precepts wholeheartedly.

 

So, stop looking for “proof” in the lives of other failing families.

 

Stop looking for comfort in the statistics of “wayward youth.”

 

Your home is not a statistic; it is a Covenant. 

 

If you want to see God vindicated, if you want to see His Word proven true, you have to be the one who stops lying to yourself and starts obeying the Truth, no matter what it costs you. 

 

Let us quit the pity party. It’s time to stop the act, stop the blame, and start the training.

 

 

The Anatomy of Our Failure: Why So Many Children Are Lost

We can’t fix what we refuse to face. Many of us are walking around, acting like we are the victims of “Satan’s attacks,” when in reality, the rot is happening in our own living rooms. I am not denying Satan’s attacks but MOST times, he doesn’t even have to do much. He just gives us some sweets and we surrender the gates to him!

 

Here are some common faults that are eroding the foundation of the next generation of the church:

Also Watch: God’s Gift of Children — Psalm 127 — Voddie Baucham

 

The Molding Windows: Why Early Training for Children is Non-Negotiable

You see, we act like parenting is a long, infinite stretch of road, but it isn’t. It is a series of windows that open and close, and once they close, you cannot force them back open.

 

If you do not fight for the heart of your child during the specific seasons God has ordained for molding, you miss out significantly!

 

We think the early years are just about feeding, clothing, and “good behavior.” We are wrong. 

 

Developmental psychology and the study of human attachment tell us, in agreement with God’s Word that the first seven years are when a child’s “blueprint” for reality is hard-coded.

 

If you are absent or distracted during these windows, you aren’t “parenting”; you are merely snoozing.

 

1. Ages 0–7: The Foundation of Identity (The “Sponge” Phase)

This is the peak window for neuroplasticity. The brain is literally wiring itself based on its environment.

 

Ayaaa, like your child came with a blank slate from Heaven and this period is when some inks start to scribble gently on them. Ayaaa… 

 

This book by Debi Pearl goes a long way into neuroplasticity. If you can, please get it. 

This is when the child learns what “love” feels like, what “truth” sounds like, and who “God” is in relation to them. 

 

If a child is parked in front of a screen or left in the care of strangers/nannies for 10+ hours a day, the child is not being “trained” by you; they are being programmed by the environment.

 

We leave them to others because we are “busy,” assuming the child is too young to be affected. But this is when Attachment Theory (the need for a primary, present, consistent caregiver) is cemented. 

If you are not the primary voice in their life now, you have lost the ability to be the primary authority later. You cannot reclaim the 0-7 window once it is gone!

 

Neuroscience confirms that early attachment creates the child’s internal map for how they view authority and trust.

 

So, when you sing those prayer songs, truth songs, hymns to your 3-year-old, you aren’t just “entertaining” them; you are building their internal soundtrack.

 

When you hug them after they fail, you are teaching them that God’s grace is bigger than their mistakes. 

 

You are answering their “why” questions with the Truth, so the world won’t be able to give them the wrong answers later.

 

But if you leave them to a tablet, the tablet becomes their primary teacher. The tablet doesn’t have a soul. The tablet doesn’t pray. By the time they hit 7, their internal map is wired for immediate gratification and shallow digital connection.

 

2. Ages 7–12: The Season of Internalization

Once the foundation is set, the child enters the phase of internalization. More like, what had been written on the blank slate with pencils are now being intensified ‘formally’ by a pen. 

 

This is when they move from “doing what Mommy says” to “doing what Mommy does.” and daddy too, of course!

 

This is the golden window. These are the years when a child’s heart is soft, impressionable, and ready to be built. This is when internalization begins. This is where they take the values they see in you and make them their own.

 

But this is exactly when most parents are “far.” You are busy with courses, traveling, and climbing ladders. You leave them to nannies, boarding schools, and external influences. You think they are “too small” to notice your absence or your hypocrisy. They aren’t. 

 

Here, they aren’t just observing you; they are absorbing you and all around them.

 

The intentional parent at this stage might be exhausted, yes, but they are “sowing.” They are repeating the memory verses. They are praising the child for telling the truth, even when it’s hard. They love them openly. They pray for and with them. They are turning the “little, little trainings” into a lifestyle. The child learns that “God” isn’t a Sunday morning event; He is the air they breathe in this home.

 

But there are those who neglect at this point, They are “chasing causes.” They think they are “providing” by working overtime or traveling, but they are actually creating a “Father/Mother-shaped vacuum.” The child is hungry, not for money, or toys or screens but for the presence that was promised! The presence that was to shape them! 

 

3. Ages 12–16: The Season of Worldview Crystallization

Psychologically, this is the time of identity formation. The child begins to critically evaluate the “truth” they were taught.

 

All those things that had been written on the slate, he is examining them. He is questioning them. Some parents become scared here as if they are losing the kids; because of the deep questionings.

 

No, there’s nothing to fear. Not after you’ve done a very good job in the first two stages of their lives. 

 

Your children must question. It is part of becoming an adult. But if you have been absent for the first 12 years, you have no relationship currency to spend. You have no foundation to fall back on when they ask, “Why?”

 

Many parents tend to respond to this questioning with violence or silence. They try to force compliance instead of leading with wisdom. You can’t force a worldview on a 15-year-old if you didn’t live the worldview in front of them from age 0 to 12.

 

We are often told that the teen years are a “nightmare.” But if you have spent 12 years sowing, the teen years are the Harvest.

 

For the one who has been intentionally parenting, when the child begins to question, they have a reservoir to draw from. They remember the songs, the hugs, and the way you answered their questions when they were five. They test the faith, but they find it is anchored in the life they watched you live.

But for the neglecting parents, the child tests the faith and finds… nothing. Just rules. Just “don’t wear that” and “don’t do this.” They see the hypocrisy, they see the lack of real connection, and they walk away. And we cry, “But I gave them everything!” No, you gave them things. You didn’t give them You. You didn’t give them Life.

 

They aren’t just rebelling; they are looking for truth. If you haven’t been there to salvage the things that have been destroyed, you have no wisdom to offer them when they start asking, “Why?” You try to force them into a mold they don’t recognize, and they push back.

 

4. Age 18+: The Harvest of Your Labor

Suddenly, the child turns 18, and it looks as if they have “suddenly” changed. They start acting out, they leave the faith, or they become a stranger to the values of your home.

 

We look at this and say, “Oh, this child was always well-behaved, what happened?”

 

Nothing “happened”. Satan did not suddenly pounce on him or her! No! The failure was in the soil prep years ago. You didn’t do what God said you should do. You assumed their salvation because they were “easy-going.” You assumed they were fine because they were compliant and going to the Sunday School. But you never led them to the baptism of the Holy Spirit. You never introduced them to the Person of God; only the rules of religion.

Also Read: The Warrior Mother: Raising Children the Devil Cannot Snatch 

Beyond the Ruins: Biblical Foundations for Raising Children

 

The Greatest Assignment: The Goal of Training Children for Eternity

We have spent too long pretending that “good behavior” is the same as “godly training.” We teach our children rules; “dress like this,” “don’t wear that,” “act like this”; but we never introduce them to the Person of the Holy Spirit. We have raised children who know how to follow a checklist but do not know their God.

 

If we don’t know our God, we have no truth to pass on. And our children? They see the confusion in our faces. They see the struggle in our walk with God. They see the hypocrisy, the gossip, and the fighting. They are smart enough to realize that even you don’t really believe the God you are forcing them to serve.

 

What is True Training?

The greatest training a parent can give is not to teach them how to be successful in the world, or how to marry well, or how to make money and a name on earth, or how to avoid scandal. The greatest training is to save their soul.

 

Let’s get personal and try to look at this word training more closely. Do you know what “training” actually means? Well, it is not possible that you do not know.

 

Think about your career. Think about the ladders you are climbing. You go through manuals, you take courses, you undergo intense preparation, you study the handouts, you do the regular check-ins. You treat your career training with deadly seriousness.

 

Is that the same energy, the same documentation, the same rigor, and the same presence you put into raising your kids?

 

Let’s stop deceiving ourselves, my dear sis!

 

Training is to wake up and say to the Lord: “The soul that You gave to me, I now return to You. I bring this soul back to You.” True training is:

 

• Representing God well: If you represent your Father in Heaven correctly to your children, they will want to serve your God. 
• Having the “Inner Caucus” Ambition: Salome, the mother of James and John, didn’t just want her children to be “reckoned with” in the world. She wanted them to sit by the side of Jesus, in the inner caucus, both here on earth and in eternity. That is the ambition a godly parent should have. 
• Knowing Your God: The Bible says, “The people that do know their God shall be strong, and do exploits.” You cannot do exploits in your home if you do not know God. You cannot hand over a faith you do not possess yourself. 

 

You are training your child for a position in life, but you aren’t training them for eternity. If you put as much effort into the “souls” of your children as you do into your “career growth,” and their ‘academic excellence’, they would never get lost.

 

The Choice Before Us

As long as this generation continues to blame Satan, he will continue to use us and our ignorance and pride to destroy our homes. As long as we look for “pity” instead of “correction,” our children will continue to perish.

 

• Stop the Pity Party: Stop saying “they tried their best” when the fruit of that life was a lost soul. If the child got lost, the training was not what God commanded, my sis. 
• Stop Blaming Satan: He is just an opportunist. He is only occupying the space you left empty because you were busy writing your name on the sand of time; things that perish; instead of building for eternity. 
• Start Fixing the Home: It’s time to take responsibility. It’s time to stop the “spiritual acting” and start the spiritual living. 

If you truly, deeply, and intentionally put your children on the path of God; with your presence, your prayers, and a life that matches your words; I repeat, they will not depart!

 

Let all men be liars, but let God be true!

 

The Word of God is not a suggestion; it is the truth. If you do your part, if you are present, if you are intentional, if you pour your life into them and seek their souls above all else, your children will not get lost!

 

The system works, sis. It always has. We just have to be willing to do the work.

 

The time to start is today!

 

Quit the excuses, stop the blame, and pick up the assignment God gave you.

 

Your children are waiting for a parent who truly knows their God.

 

Ministry Begins at Home

Many of us are running around trying to “do exploits” for God, trying to build ministries, and trying to leave a mark on the world, all while ignoring the most basic instruction in Scripture. We do not study the Word for parenting; we don’t look at the biblical way of building a home. Instead, we prefer worldly “child-rearing” trends, psychology books, and cultural norms. We ignore the Scripture, yet we expect to have godly results? No. It is not going to be possible.

 

If we want to fix this generation, we must return to the Divine Qualification.

 

The Scripture is crystal clear: A man should be put over the church only after he has raised his children well!

 

Think about the weight of that!

 

The Apostle Paul said in 1 Timothy 3:4-5 that if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?

 

Your first ministry is proven in the living room.

 

It is proven in the way you have built intimacy with your wife and the way you have raised your children.

 

If your children are wild, your ministry is disqualified, no matter how eloquent your sermons are.

 

When we ignore this, as this generation surely has, the name of the Lord is dragged into disrepute.

 

If the world sees that a “Man of God” cannot even command his own household, why should they listen to him or bother about winning the souls of their own children?

 

Imagine if this was followed as the Lord commanded. Do you think the world would be in this mess? Do you think children would be getting lost? No! Because a man would know that he cannot step onto a pulpit until he has proven his faithfulness at the dinner table.

 

Training the Children is for both the Father and Mother 

Also, there is a deception in parenting roles! Many husbands run out of the house every morning thinking their work is the “main” assignment. They think if they pay the bills and keep the roof over the head, they have fulfilled their duty.

 

Scripture says otherwise!

• Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Did you read that? It is a direct command to the father to bring them up in the instruction of the Lord. You cannot “bring them up” if you are never there. You cannot instruct them if you are a stranger to their hearts.

• Joshua 24:15: “But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua didn’t say, “As for my wife and my house.” He took responsibility as the head. If you are not the priest of your home; praying with them, reading the Word to them, and leading the family altar; you are failing your primary ministry, sir. 

 

Many wives have fallen for the trap that if they keep the kids clean, fed, and enrolled in the right schools, they are “training up a child.” 

2 Timothy 1:5: Paul speaks of the “sincere faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice.” It wasn’t the “church” that saved Timothy; it was the direct, daily, intimate transmission of faith from his mother and grandmother. They didn’t outsource it. They poured it in.

 

Proverbs 1:8: “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.” Both parents are named. The “law” of the mother and the “instruction” of the father are the two rails upon which the child’s character runs. If one rail is missing, the train derails.

 

The Joint Command: Deuteronomy 6:6-7

If you want to know what training looks like, look at the mandate given to both parents:

“And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

 

Does that sound like outsourcing? Does that sound like sending them to asomeone who would train them?

• “When you sit in your house”- that’s your presence.

• “When you walk by the way”- that’s your time together.

• “When you lie down”- that’s the bedtime prayers you are too busy to do.

• “When you rise”- that’s the devotion you are too tired to lead.

 

Stop looking for someone else to carry the ‘purpose’ that God gave to you. You are the parent. You are the teacher. You are the builder.

 

If you don’t do it, don’t complain about the results! 

 

You are handing your children over to the world, and the world is doing exactly what you paid them to do: it is teaching your children how to live without your God!

 

Take your assignment back! Get in the car with them, sit at the table with them, and start pouring the Word into them yourself.

 

Training is not a delegatable task. It is the life-work of a parent.

 

 

 

Not of This World: Raising Kids in a Wicked World | Voddie Baucham