As Daniella left home, she could not describe what she was feeling. All her emotions felt fuzzy. Actually, she felt like she had lost her mind. Or was it Joshua who had lost his mind? In fact, Joshua has lost. He really has lost it. How can a full grown man sputter such words from his mouth or even dare to think such in his heart. Your own child? Your first fruit? Elkanah who gave up Samuel had other kids from his other wife. Initially, when she stepped out of the house, her first thought was to reach out to their pastor to come and hear what one of his Sunday School teachers was saying, but she thought better of it. She and Joshua had established that family issues are resolved first in the family, between themselves. I must ask God some questions first, Daniella said to herself.
She had never been more thankful that day that the church was just about a kilometer away from their house. Even though she remembered to take her purse with her and she could take a cab, she chose to trek down to the church, hoping not to meet anyone she had to greet. Anyone who saw her that day and knew her would easily discern that Daniella was not her usual self. The usual Daniella would be a jolly-ride fellow, friendly with everyone, the kind of friend that knows everybody and everybody knows. You can never be around her and experience a dull moment. She is the kind people will describe as the very extrovert kind of person. Daniella, arriving at the church, she headed to a remote corner where ushers liked to sit as a group. Without waiting, she began throwing questions at God as though He were there, already awaiting her.
“What was Joshua saying, God? Did You tell Joshua that? If You did, I’m sorry, but I can’t do it. Why would You even say that? Why did You give her to me if You were planning on letting someone else have her? I can’t give her up, God. It is just impossible! It simply makes no sense, it is unheard of! Simply unheard of! If this is what You present as Your will for Little-P, it is simply, totally, outrightly, impossible!!”
Daniella sat silently after ranting like that, totally oblivious to whether someone was in the church at that time to hear her venting against God. She suddenly went quiet as she came to the realization that Joshua might have truly heard God. He is God and can do anything, The Lord had flashed in her mind her favorite Scripture verse: “Teach me, Lord, what You want me to do, and I will obey You faithfully; teach me to serve You with complete devotion.” (Psalm 86:11)
Daniella groaned. Now she understood Hannah when she was in the temple and Eli thought she was drunk. At that moment, Daniella groaned so much in her soul that her chest began to hurt. All she could inwardly say was, “No, Lord, I can’t! If this is You, I can’t. This is hard! You asked me to give up many things already, and I did. I did! With little to no struggle! But this, Lord, I can’t!”
Daniella refused to utter the words often close to her lips: “Father, help me.”
“That Scripture doesn’t count, Lord. You have to speak to me audibly because this makes no sense to me. Am I going to die on the birthing table? Or is Little-P going to die? Lord please talk to me. What is going on? Or is Joshua having psychological issues? Or is it that he heard you wrongly? It’s unheard of! Who gives up a newborn baby to some unknown person? What will we tell the family when it’s not like the baby died? We are in Africa, not America, where people give out their babies for adoption at birth. I am hale, hearty, and I can take care of my child. Is this some sort of Sarah and Abraham prank? I am no mother of faith, Lord! What sort of agony are You plunging me into, God?! This is not from You. I destroy every manipulation of the enemy over my marriage, my husband, our baby, our future, my life, in Jesus’ name!!!”
In the midst of this, her bladder suddenly felt like it would give way. She wanted to ignore the pressing urge because her thoughts were running as though on a roller coaster, but she knew if she didn’t, she would wet her clothes in public. She stood up right on cue, dashing for the loo.
While leaving, she saw a young lady just a few seats away from her. Startled at first at the thought that someone had heard all her back-and-forth with God, she hurried away. Seriously pressed, she dashed off.
Returning, she was about to pass by the younger lady and head back to her previous position, hoping she truly hadn’t heard anything. However, she found herself walking over to her. That was when she saw tears on the woman’s face. She simply stared into space.
Daniella thought to herself, What could be so wrong in this woman’s life that she could be this tearful and oblivious to others’ presence?
She couldn’t resist asking her, “Sister, are you alright?”
Wheeeew!
Ever been in a situation where someone’s problem feels bigger than yours that you kind of stop in your steps, forget your issues briefly to attend to theirs? Let’s discuss in the comments! And don’t forget—Episode 4 is on the way. You can try the link below to see if it has dropped.
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Checkmate Episode 4
Wow…..it gets interesting as days goes by. Honestly speaking compassion makes you push your thoughts, issues and burden aside and render help to another. Dear Lord help to be more compassionate🙏🙏🙏
Your comment reminds me of when Jesus heard of John the Baptist’s death and he went by Himself to grieve. When He got to the mountain, the Bible records that He saw the multitude and had compassion on them. Then Jesus fed 5000 men excluding women and children at that instance. We are called to be like Jesus even in this. Matthew 14: 13-21.
Having a mind of Christ is living for Christ and for others. I don’t know how to explain this but living for Christ is deeper than we see or hear in church or services. May God help us. More grace to you Ma.