Couple’s hangout with the Oguike
Anchored by Elizabeth Egbeniyi
PLEASE GIVE US A BRIEF & DETAILED INTRODUCTION OF YOURSELF SIR & MA.
Mr Oguike: Good evening everyone, my name is Oguike Victor, the husband of Mrs Oguike Chioma Meekness the father of Master Duke Oguike. I am a civil servant in IMO state and I work under the department of planning research and statistics in Imo state.
Mrs Oguike: I am Oguike Meekness Chioma, I am Public Health Officer by profession, a lover of God and a proud BUD member.
HOW DID YOU GET LED TO EACH OTHER?
Mrs Oguike: God spoke to me concerning him by strong heart impression few months before he came to propose. And God confirm to me that he was the one by revealing it to a loved one before I spoke to them concerning it. Which was a confirmation of my prayer.
Mr Oguike: It’s a great privilege to share how I met my wife. Around 2013 I left to Delta state after my studies in Imo state. I stayed with my immediate younger brother for a while. All through 2013 – 2015, I sparingly saw her all I knew was that she was the pastor’s daughter. I had nothing to with her until 2015 in Aug I made my first move, I went to see the pastor after I’ve narrated, they asked if I’ve seen her but meanwhile she was in the final year schooling in the west but I was praying about. Because she was in her final year we couldn’t come down to business, I made my first move and she said she was going to think about it and pray about it but we never spoke for 3yrs until 2018 I made another move and that was in September, during those periods I had so many distractions but I talked to her and she said the same thing that she would pray about it until Dec 1st when she gave in her consent and I had peace of mind while praying. I was led according to the strong love put in my heart and I went for her to fulfill the will of God.
HOW DID YOU COPE WITH INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES?
Mr Oguike: It’s not been easy especially our kind of ministry where they don’t give enough space to know each other well except for the 6months period of courtship. During our courtship my wife called and I asked if I was a perfectionist and I told her yes stating my reasons because of the kind of people I’ve lived with the pastors, professors and all so I was taught to be too disciplined and very meticulous. While she came from a place where leisure and ease was. It took me patience to be able to cope with her. It’s been with humility and patience. God has been helping us all the way.
Mrs Oguike: God helped me o, I had to adjust especially knowing my husband is a perfectionist. Apologize where necessary and make changes.
WHAT LESSONS HAS MARRIAGE TAUGHT YOU?
Mrs Oguike: Marriage has taught me that with God, patience, understanding and deliberate effort to adjust where necessary we will enjoy Marriage.
Mr Oguike: Marriage is filled with a lot of troubles but with humility and patience you can overcome all the troubles of marriage. There a lot to learn from your spouse. With God being the foundation and center you would always scale through.
WHAT’S YOUR TAKE ON LOVE AND SUBMISSION IN THE FAMILY.
Mrs Oguike: Love and Submission in the family is not negotiable, even the Bible commands it. It is very important in spicing up the home.
Mr Oguike: The Bible says husband love your wife and love means respect to the man. An evil man will know a good wife. The woman gives respect to the man, she doesn’t have to make her points known.
Facilitator: Now to the GIST part. We want to hear the gist you have for us.
We will be looking at BUILDING A GODLY HOME We all know Property Preparation Produces a Perfect Performance. Therefore, the importance of preparing for a lifetime event cannot be overemphasized. My childhood friend will always say during our single days that the day you marry the wrong person, you start dying from that day. Remember your marriage can either make or mar you. Let God be at the centre of your decision.
We need to build up
▪️ Good character/Virtue
▪️ Your prayer life
Remember as a woman, you are the gatekeeper of your home and if there is anything you want to happen in your home and vice versa, it lies in your hands. You can’t ask as a stranger from a father you do not know, you must have a father daughter relationship. Thereafter, you can make your request.
▪️ Build up good communication skills
You should be able to express yourself in the right manner void of offensive languages.
Good marriages don’t just happen. We have our responsibilities.
As a wife/wife to be, we need to:
✔️ Submit and Reverence our husbands. Do not be a nagging wife, submit and reverence him. Bring your suggestions, complaints and request to him politely.
✔️ Respect Him. This is one of men’s basic needs and they cherish it so much. Show it to him by your words and actions.
✔️ Appreciate Him always. Complement him, even if it looks insignificant, appreciate him. Let him know how grateful you are.
✔️ Be a true help meet. You are to help him fulfill his dreams, visions and purpose and vice-versa.
✔️ Desire to please him. Make deliberate effort to change and do away with what he dislikes and build up areas where you are lagging behind.
✔️ Pray for him. You cannot change him yourself, it is only through prayers, you can help him make right choices.
✔️ Be available for him. Do not make unnecessary excuses so you don’t make him vulnerable to temptation.
Always know that no two marriages are alike. Every home has a specific purpose/role to fulfill on earth so therefore, depend totally on God for wisdom.
In conclusion, a happy marriage is about memories of togetherness, forgiveness of mistakes and a promise to never give up on each other. With Christ as the bedrock of our union, we shall build a godly home.
When the man proposes to you and you know the answer can u tell him there and than or should u wait a little despite knowing the answer. And two what do you talk about during courtship.
Reply: If you have prayed and he has opened to you knowing so well that you are led by God. Yes! you can tell him.
Can two perfectionist do well in marriage?
Reply: I would say that the important thing that determines if you would do well is if God is leading, if yes, it would not be difficult letting go your principles for the of the home.
During our courtship we talked about 16 things but I would mention few.
* The Ideal wife and husband
* Money management
* Giving assistance outside.
* Working for God and outsiders.
* Historical background. You open to each other about how you grew, where you schooled. You basically talking about your life. Be completely open to your spouse.
* Career and home.
* Responsibilities to our extended family.
It has to be about balancing all these. The major thing is be open, be accessible, don’t hide anything.
What if the brother proposes through the backdoor instead of MC, should you still give him an answer?
Reply: According to the principles of our church, it would earn you a discipline. If you are led by the spirit of God why being in a hurry since you have waited and prayed why hurrying. So go in with honor but even though you go in through the back door when you asked the question just be plain and sincere.
I would say no, do not respond to him until he comes through the right manner.
For the Proposal Question. Will it be will you marry me? I don’t understand.
Reply: It’s dependent on individual
I have a question, what if you have been talking with the brother before going to the marriage committee?
Reply: It depends on what you have been talking about, is it marriage you’ve been talking about, has he come clearly that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Another factor is your church and if this has been happening you must be plain when going to them because definitely they would ask you.
Compilation by Nkechi Utomi
BUD WRITER’S UNIT